Oh how I long for warmer days …

Morning, Evening or Afternoon world.

How is everyone on this chilly Sunday evening (or Monday when this goes live)?

I feel Mother Nature tricked me a bit this week, she gave NC a couple of beautiful days this past week, just to rip it away with some nasty 20 degree days this coming week.

Ugh! It’s cold. And I’m from the north darn it!

I haven’t been able to blog much these past few months, between work, holidays, my never-ending reading list and my current WIP… my days have been booked solid.

Plus, I honestly don’t know what the heck you guys care to read about? My life is pretty darn boring for the most part. But I’m trying to liven it up a bit for you ๐Ÿ˜œ

So many great things coming this year.

I feel like 2020 is going to be a great year for a lot of people.

Already I’m seeing people making big changes, sticking to goals they set back in mid-2019 and reaping the benefits of their hard work ๐Ÿ’œ

I couldn’t feel more proud.

Go and Get It!

Let’s use this year to grab what we want and stop living in the fear that we’re not ready or we’re not good enough.

Stop the mental road block and just drive.

-Jen

Happy New Year everyone

So I’m a week late getting around to telling everyone Happy New Year… deadlines have never been my friend. Lol

I don’t normally do anything for New Years, or any holiday for that matter, but this year I decided to something besides lay around in my bed wishing I could be clocked in and bringing in a better paycheck for the week. Shall we say #workaholic ? Lol

The simple magic that is a fresh Sunrise and a light breeze.

Honestly, my last minute decisions to go lounge on a hotel balcony was definitely a great way to start 2020.

I’m such a creature of habit (in a way) that this was exactly what I needed to jump start the muse for this year ๐Ÿ’ž

Now to get on with the manuscript I took with me in hopes of “getting some work done” which never happened, because who could work with the sun shinning down on this lovely view ??

Maybe next time the beach and I can work out an arrangement where I split my time evenly between work and play ๐Ÿ˜œ

Until next time my dears.

Jen

Always confused…

I needed this.

I needed to sit here and feel the sand beneath my feet, taste the salt in the air and let the breeze clear you from my thoughts.

My phone buzzed right before it died, you texted that you were on your way and apologized for being late. The screen went black before I could read the rest of it… I do miss you. I want to see you… but damn I’m so confused right now.

A couple is walking their dog along the waters edge. She’s splashing in the tide as is comes in and goes out, she’s just a pup and a cute one at that.

I wish my phone was charged. I feel the pull to text you back and tell you where I am, or to go back to the hotel and wait just a little longer for you. But no.

I’m not leaving this spot. Even if I just sit here and cry… I’m staying here…

The couple has walked so far down the beach I can’t see them anymore, but I can still hear the pup barking and playing in the distance.

I wonder what time it is? I have to have been here for at least a half hour or better.

My phone is still dead. Not sure why I even look at it, I know I haven’t charged it. I haven’t left this spot but to scoot back a little bit further from the tide.

I wish you’d just show up and hug me right now. Like you know me well enough to know that I would be here…

It’s so quiet right now.

Emma?

My heart just sunk and I think I’m going to be sick.

What are you doing out here?

Mike?!

I turned to look over my shoulder, and there he stood. His hands in the pocket of his hoodie and his shoulders slightly shrugged like he was feeling a little chilled, or nervous.

How? How did you know I was here?

I’m tossed between feeling scared and yet madly in love with the fact that you showed up and found me here.

He sat down beside me and pulled me close to him in one of those tight “I’ve got you” hugs that always make me melt to pieces with the feeling of safety and comfort.

I took a wrong turn and I saw your car while I was getting turned around. How come you’re not answering your phone? I tried to call you.

It died. And I forgot my charger. I inhaled his cologne as I squeezed his chest closer to me. Fuck.

He kissed my forehead.

So… what are you doing out here?

I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know.

I moved back a bit to the spot I had been sitting in. As much as I want to stay curled up in his arms… I don’t think I can handle it right now.

Hey. I know. I know it’s not easy with us.

But damn Emma, I don’t want to be apart from you. I am happy with you. Do we need more than that?

Do we?

If only I could tell you why this is so hard for me. I want to tell you so much… but right now I just can’t.

But I can’t tell you that right now either… so I don’t.

~A.G~

I waited for you…

I waited for you.

And I told myself that that was the last time I would waste any more moments of my life waiting on you to show up and show me you give a crap about me.

But here I am again.ย  Waiting.ย  It’s been almost an hour and I haven’t heard anything from you.ย  I’ve been replaying last night. How you subtly brushed into me and slipped these keys into my hand and told me that you needed to see me. “I miss you, please.” You texted after you walked away. In that moment my mind ran from excitement to worry, from confusion to comfort…ย  And now I’m here again, confused, frustrated… hoping…waiting. I can’t convince myself to leave and stop waiting for you. Why can’t I leave you? Why can’t I leave you hanging on the thought that I didn’t show? God, that would be such karmic justice.

These damn keys. I spin them around on my finger until they fly off and fall to the floor board on the passenger side. Ugh!

I get out, go around the car and scoop up the keys. The sky is pitch black making the stars seem brighter than normal and the moon is so engorged I can feel it’s energy. Between the moon and the smell of sea salt in the air… damn you. I get back in the car and slam the door shut, I crack the windows to let the the salt air in and I sit back and I wait.ย  ย  Lights flash into the parking lot, my heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat for split second. You’re here?.. It’s not you, the sedan parks and a couple gets out and carry’s their sleeping child into the hotel lobby.

And just like that, I feel broken. Like you have physically sliced into my heart and I just sit here bleeding. I let you do this, I gave you the power to make me feel small and insignificant.

But dammit! I do miss you. I feel so drawn to you, that I can’t sleep unless I pass out thinking of you beside me.

I’m getting anxious and it’s driving me to sickness, I can’t wait here like this. I turn on my headlights and pull out of the parking lot like I just murdered someone in one of the rooms.

Slow down Emma, you don’t need to bring attention to yourself.

What if you’re parking right now? What if you just passed me and your parking right now? NOPE! I’m not going to think about that, I’m going to keep driving. You’ve still not so much as texted me.

I park outside of a closed shop, I’m better off walking for a bit instead of driving like a mad women down the road. The last thing I need in my life right now is a speeding ticket or a night in jail. Besides that, the sound of the waves, the smell the of sea air and this beautiful sky is screaming for me to enjoy it. It’s calling me to get lost.

And that’s what I need right now… to be lost from you.

 

~A.G

 

 

The weekly back and forth…

So here we are again, wrestling the endless game of are we on again or off for good…

Why do we as humans put ourselves in these situations?

And why are we so prone to repeat our own histories?

I can’t focus on my work or pay any attention to this stupid meeting going on right now, because all I can think about is your face. Your damn face and its endless supply of expressions that are so damn hard to read! Why are you so hard to read? I never struggle with people, I can see everything they hide between the lines.

But you.

You are a different story.

I can’t read you. And I hate it.

~A.G

She broke me…

Yes, I want to be with her.

I don’t know what happened or why we were brought together like this, but I can’t let her go. I can’t let this go.

She is like a witch, the devil. Why am I so happy with her?ย ย I can’t hid it, it’s written all over my face whenever she is near me. I worry about her when she is gone, when she looks sad my heart breaks for her and I want to know everything that is troubling her.

It’s so hard for me to explain this feeling I have for her. It’s like she has cast a spell on me and planted herself in my thoughts. She is my shadow, a ghost that follows me wherever I go. Last night my dreams were so vivid I swear she was with me, curled up in my arms and sleeping soundly on my chest. I can still smell her perfume on my pillow… and she hasn’t been here before.

I feel like I am going crazy, or at least, partially crazy.

Fuck! I can’t explain this.ย  Am I going mad??

 

~AG

 

 

 

The great Kindle mishap

Well, it’s finally working!!

Thanks to my brother getting bored and deciding to tinker with it โ˜บ๏ธ

He managed to get it into a full reboot mode and then I just needed to set it back up and download all my books again.

Now I know whenever I’m having issues with an electronic device, just leave it somewhere my brother will see it and wait for him to get bored ๐Ÿ˜‚

So now I can finally sit down and get started on The Dark Web Murders ๐Ÿ•ท

Now on for some tea, a re-read over my current 15,000-word project and packing for this weekend ๐Ÿ˜Š

I’m so happy with the things going on in my life right now. Certain aspects are nipping my heels and causing more stress than I care to deal with, but I’m use to the battle. It’s part of life.

Happy reading everyone!

\AG/

The reason why I prefer Real books over digital

This, this picture right here sums up my entire reason for being annoyed and making this blog post ๐Ÿ˜ญ

This darn Kindle has been on the fritz since last week!

I can’t get it to do anything except freeze on the start up screen ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

I hate ebooks. I really do.

I mean, I enjoy them when it comes to packing up and moving around, which I do a lot of. But I can’t and never will get over the enjoyment of browsing a bookstore and walking out with a heavy stack of brand new reads ๐Ÿ˜Š

But this! Oh My God!

I bought my first ebook in months and can’t even begin to take a look at.

I know I could read it on my phone, but damn, aren’t we on the phone enough these days? Besides, I BOUGHT A KINDLE for that very reason! ๐Ÿ˜ซ

The frustration is real….

Eternal Youth

Don’t we all feel like living forever young at some point in our life?

Well guess what I’m doing? I’m sitting her in the 1950’s pretending I’ve bleached my hair so much that my brain cells have been damaged to the point that I have no answers for any questions that may come my way.

I’m physically having to sit on my hands and tell people “I’m sorry, I don’t know. You’ll have to ask someone else” simply because I’m being to bossy for those who’s egos are to frail to work as a team.

I am dumbstruck to the point of laughter lol

I’ve already been asked what’s wrong and have a handful of people thinking I’m now mad at them because I keep sending them elsewhere with their questions.ย 

“You don’t know? You never not know, and even when you really don’t know , you get me the answers faster than anyone else. so what did I do to piss you off into silence”ย 

Yes, normally I do.ย  ย  I’m a busy bee, workaholic, I know how to ask questions and feel timeliness is important. If I don’t know the answer to something, I figure out who does or who would know and hit them for the info. Simple as that.

But that is over kill apparently.ย  And it is proving an extreme struggle to break everyone (including myself) of the habits we have become so use to.ย 

I can’t even ask someone to make sure they don’t forget something without being looked at like insolent women who’s speaking out of turn. LOL

And that’s my new thing now, I want a coffee mug that says “Insolent Women” just so I can display it on my desk ๐Ÿ˜‰

ย I am very opinionated, blunt and to the point in 90% of my life. We all know it’s 2019 and most people these days are to sensitive for straight forward talk, but you’d think there would still be a handful of people who could carry on adult conversation and not feel so threatened by straightforwardness.

So here I am, pretending I don’t care about a thing.ย  Pretending I am a shy, quiet female with no spine or knowledge of my surroundings.ย 

We’ll see how long this last.

 

\AG/

Life may be like a box of chocolates but someone threw some mud balls in there too

Saints be praised!

I’ve been up since 2am today! (which is totally normal for me because I’m a weirdo ๐Ÿ˜‚) But, this morning I finally finished going through the stack of files that have been laying on my desk for 2 months! ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿคฉ

My desk finally looks organized and back to it’s creative station. Which is ideal for Nanowrimo being right around the corner ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ

Plus! I’ve spent the last week doing some revision on things going on in my daily 9-5 muggle life, turns out my โ€bossyโ€ attitude has done some good for my team. The company is happy with them, they don’t feel the need to spy on them or be down their throats on anything.

Who doesn’t like a boss who trusts you enough to just let you work?? ๐Ÿ™ƒ

Now if we could just keep this routine going without the random delays and hiccups from newbs, we might be able to finish this project with some high marks.

Maybe it’s all this fresh fall weather making people more pleasant to be around? Lol I know a few who need to get started now on their ule tide joy if they want good marks come Christmas ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

But let’s not talk about that Holiday when we have more important one’s like Halloween to worry about ๐Ÿ˜‰