Yes, I want to be with her.
I don’t know what happened or why we were brought together like this, but I can’t let her go. I can’t let this go.
She is like a witch, the devil. Why am I so happy with her? I can’t hid it, it’s written all over my face whenever she is near me. I worry about her when she is gone, when she looks sad my heart breaks for her and I want to know everything that is troubling her.
It’s so hard for me to explain this feeling I have for her. It’s like she has cast a spell on me and planted herself in my thoughts. She is my shadow, a ghost that follows me wherever I go. Last night my dreams were so vivid I swear she was with me, curled up in my arms and sleeping soundly on my chest. I can still smell her perfume on my pillow… and she hasn’t been here before.
I feel like I am going crazy, or at least, partially crazy.
Fuck! I can’t explain this. Am I going mad??
More and more these days I’m referring to my writing as my second job. Not because I look at it with discontent but because I want others to look at my writing time with respect and understanding.
I know many of you writers feel the same, where your friends and family don’t understand why you must spend so much time researching and quietly working on your craft.
And why you must disengage in certain social activities because your muse is calling your name to complete a scene.
I spend 6 days a week focusing on my day job. The hours depend on the day and can be anywhere from 6hrs (on my one short day) to 10 or 12hrs (on my normal days)…
And for my writing, I spend maybe an hour a day… if I’m lucky enough to not find myself too tired after my day job. .
And that saddens me. Why must I sacrifice my dream just so I can live to work?
And why do people only take a job that pays well as an actual profession?
Just because my writing doesn’t bring in a steady pay check right now doesn’t mean that it won’t one day.
And I will continue to hold on to that feeling no matter what.
And so, my writing becomes my second job. A job that requires all the attention and focus that my day job does.
Meaning- no phones buzzing off , no TV playing my favourite classics and very minimal music to distract me.
That also means No friends buzzing in and out of my house.
In other words… Hermit mode is commencing