I waited for you…

I waited for you.

And I told myself that that was the last time I would waste any more moments of my life waiting on you to show up and show me you give a crap about me.

But here I am again.  Waiting.  It’s been almost an hour and I haven’t heard anything from you.  I’ve been replaying last night. How you subtly brushed into me and slipped these keys into my hand and told me that you needed to see me. “I miss you, please.” You texted after you walked away. In that moment my mind ran from excitement to worry, from confusion to comfort…  And now I’m here again, confused, frustrated… hoping…waiting. I can’t convince myself to leave and stop waiting for you. Why can’t I leave you? Why can’t I leave you hanging on the thought that I didn’t show? God, that would be such karmic justice.

These damn keys. I spin them around on my finger until they fly off and fall to the floor board on the passenger side. Ugh!

I get out, go around the car and scoop up the keys. The sky is pitch black making the stars seem brighter than normal and the moon is so engorged I can feel it’s energy. Between the moon and the smell of sea salt in the air… damn you. I get back in the car and slam the door shut, I crack the windows to let the the salt air in and I sit back and I wait.    Lights flash into the parking lot, my heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat for split second. You’re here?.. It’s not you, the sedan parks and a couple gets out and carry’s their sleeping child into the hotel lobby.

And just like that, I feel broken. Like you have physically sliced into my heart and I just sit here bleeding. I let you do this, I gave you the power to make me feel small and insignificant.

But dammit! I do miss you. I feel so drawn to you, that I can’t sleep unless I pass out thinking of you beside me.

I’m getting anxious and it’s driving me to sickness, I can’t wait here like this. I turn on my headlights and pull out of the parking lot like I just murdered someone in one of the rooms.

Slow down Emma, you don’t need to bring attention to yourself.

What if you’re parking right now? What if you just passed me and your parking right now? NOPE! I’m not going to think about that, I’m going to keep driving. You’ve still not so much as texted me.

I park outside of a closed shop, I’m better off walking for a bit instead of driving like a mad women down the road. The last thing I need in my life right now is a speeding ticket or a night in jail. Besides that, the sound of the waves, the smell the of sea air and this beautiful sky is screaming for me to enjoy it. It’s calling me to get lost.

And that’s what I need right now… to be lost from you.

 

~A.G

 

 

The weekly back and forth…

So here we are again, wrestling the endless game of are we on again or off for good…

Why do we as humans put ourselves in these situations?

And why are we so prone to repeat our own histories?

I can’t focus on my work or pay any attention to this stupid meeting going on right now, because all I can think about is your face. Your damn face and its endless supply of expressions that are so damn hard to read! Why are you so hard to read? I never struggle with people, I can see everything they hide between the lines.

But you.

You are a different story.

I can’t read you. And I hate it.

~A.G

The great Kindle mishap

Well, it’s finally working!!

Thanks to my brother getting bored and deciding to tinker with it ☺️

He managed to get it into a full reboot mode and then I just needed to set it back up and download all my books again.

Now I know whenever I’m having issues with an electronic device, just leave it somewhere my brother will see it and wait for him to get bored 😂

So now I can finally sit down and get started on The Dark Web Murders 🕷

Now on for some tea, a re-read over my current 15,000-word project and packing for this weekend 😊

I’m so happy with the things going on in my life right now. Certain aspects are nipping my heels and causing more stress than I care to deal with, but I’m use to the battle. It’s part of life.

Happy reading everyone!

\AG/

Eternal Youth

Don’t we all feel like living forever young at some point in our life?

Well guess what I’m doing? I’m sitting her in the 1950’s pretending I’ve bleached my hair so much that my brain cells have been damaged to the point that I have no answers for any questions that may come my way.

I’m physically having to sit on my hands and tell people “I’m sorry, I don’t know. You’ll have to ask someone else” simply because I’m being to bossy for those who’s egos are to frail to work as a team.

I am dumbstruck to the point of laughter lol

I’ve already been asked what’s wrong and have a handful of people thinking I’m now mad at them because I keep sending them elsewhere with their questions. 

“You don’t know? You never not know, and even when you really don’t know , you get me the answers faster than anyone else. so what did I do to piss you off into silence” 

Yes, normally I do.    I’m a busy bee, workaholic, I know how to ask questions and feel timeliness is important. If I don’t know the answer to something, I figure out who does or who would know and hit them for the info. Simple as that.

But that is over kill apparently.  And it is proving an extreme struggle to break everyone (including myself) of the habits we have become so use to. 

I can’t even ask someone to make sure they don’t forget something without being looked at like insolent women who’s speaking out of turn. LOL

And that’s my new thing now, I want a coffee mug that says “Insolent Women” just so I can display it on my desk 😉

 I am very opinionated, blunt and to the point in 90% of my life. We all know it’s 2019 and most people these days are to sensitive for straight forward talk, but you’d think there would still be a handful of people who could carry on adult conversation and not feel so threatened by straightforwardness.

So here I am, pretending I don’t care about a thing.  Pretending I am a shy, quiet female with no spine or knowledge of my surroundings. 

We’ll see how long this last.

 

\AG/

Life may be like a box of chocolates but someone threw some mud balls in there too

Saints be praised!

I’ve been up since 2am today! (which is totally normal for me because I’m a weirdo 😂) But, this morning I finally finished going through the stack of files that have been laying on my desk for 2 months! 😳🤩

My desk finally looks organized and back to it’s creative station. Which is ideal for Nanowrimo being right around the corner 👌🏼

Plus! I’ve spent the last week doing some revision on things going on in my daily 9-5 muggle life, turns out my ”bossy” attitude has done some good for my team. The company is happy with them, they don’t feel the need to spy on them or be down their throats on anything.

Who doesn’t like a boss who trusts you enough to just let you work?? 🙃

Now if we could just keep this routine going without the random delays and hiccups from newbs, we might be able to finish this project with some high marks.

Maybe it’s all this fresh fall weather making people more pleasant to be around? Lol I know a few who need to get started now on their ule tide joy if they want good marks come Christmas 😂😂

But let’s not talk about that Holiday when we have more important one’s like Halloween to worry about 😉

What am I doing wrong??

Why does it seem like every writer out there has nothing but time and ample battery life to spend their days out in the world focusing on their craft??

How on earth do you support yourself by spending all day in a coffee shop and posting ascetically pleasing photos on Instagram? 😭

Let me in on this secret!

I mean, I’m a workaholic. I love keeping busy and feeling productive throughout my day.

But darn it. There are so many days I would love to be able to just spend the afternoon working on my manuscripts, without worrying about going over my lunch break or feeling like I was on a deadline.

Not to mention having ample battery life to utilise my laptop all day 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve really got to do some research on a good battery pack for my little silver friend. Any recommendations would be appreciated 🙃

*image found via Google

I support the World Wildlife fund 💕

@world_wildlife 🐋

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My grandparents have been donating to the World wildlife fund for as long as I can remember. We get all our new calendars from the collection my grandma receives every year 😊

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🐯 As for me, I’ve been donating to them and signing petitions since my very first job. The most satisfying place I spend my money (besides the book store 😂).

I like knowing I’m helping and making a difference in the world.

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Normally, I stick to maximising my donation as much as possible and always opt out of the additional “Thank You” gifts. But I’m human, and I love stuffed animals, so every now and then I select a few to receive.

But Bruiser likes a soft plush as much as his mommy does, so I opted to share my April donation with him this time😊

The The World Wildlife Fund is still looking for a few more donations by tomorrow April 22- Earth Day.

If your feeling giving today, help us reach our goal of $3,200 members.

We’re only 38 members away!

Even if you don’t join by tomorrow, give donating a little thought.

We only have one world.

And these animals don’t have a voice.

We’re the only ones who can make a difference

Jen

Facebook and Instagram have taken a holiday…

And I’m sure I’m suppose to be extremely freaked out… but honestly….

I’m only trying to figure out how to talk with the few social media friends I spoke with regularly 😂 ( note to self, exchange emails from now on ).

I don’t even care that a combined 15yrs of pictures and videos could be lost, hundreds of networking connections gone in a blink of an eye or that I can’t scroll through and see what’s going on in the lives of the “insta famous” influencers I follow and friends and family back home 🤷🏻‍♀️

In a way, I’m glad this happened.

It’s shown me that I’m not dependent on social media, I just use it out of boredom, procrastination and the occasionally “What’s aunt Tilly been up to lately” 💁🏻‍♀️😄

So, for those who don’t know (which is probably very few of you) Facebook and all related apps – WhatsApp and Instagram- Crashed today worldwide.

And we’ve been given very little information as to why this happened or what caused it …

Facebook did take to Twitter and reported that they are..

“aware that some people are currently having trouble accessing the Facebook family of apps. We’re working to resolve the issue as soon as possible.”

And then again later, via Twitter announced…

“We’re focused on working to resolve the issue as soon as possible, but can confirm that the issue is not related to a DDoS attack.”

Other than that, social media users have received no further information as to the cause of the crash or the expected duration. And let me tell you, people are freaking out!

Twitter has exploded with tweets about the outages. #FacebookDown and #InstagramDown are now two of the top trending tags on the platform.

People are even creating tweets, joking that MySpace has finally received an open window at a chance to regain its popularity 😂 (Anyone remember there old account info?)

Now not all of us are as lost as others. For some, the apps are only glitching and causing minor inconveniences.

But once you start trying to troubleshoot the issue (like I did before realizing what was really going on) you get logged out entirely and are unable to access anything. So you don’t even have the peace of mind of knowing your content is safe and still right where you left it.

*Deep breaths. It will all be ok

So, what’s going on? Will we wake up tomorrow and all will be well?

Or do you think this will last longer?

I’m curious to know you’re thoughts

Boys are such a pain 😛

So, I’ve potty trained pets before. A lot of them actually and I’ve never had as much of an issue as I have with this little man.

Ugh!!!

Why are boys so much more difficult?

My female dogs have all figured out the puppy pad thing in 3 weeks, then alerting me by going to the door by 5 weeks.

But this guy, my little Bruiser man… is going on month 2…3🤔 and we’re still playing the “Don’t pee on my carpet!” game 🤦🏻‍♀️

He’s to the point where he knows and understands he has done wrong. But he just hasn’t gotten a handle on using his pad on a regular basis. Yet. Ughh….

We will have this mastered by the end of the month, I’m determined.

Just me, feeling like crap but making the most of it.

I feel like I haven’t left my house for anything besides work in over two weeks.

Can I just say being sick is a pain in the arse?

I hate it. Like a 3yr old hates nap time.

So, while my energy levels are slowly working on rising themselves back up, this bug has made me miss a deadline this week, made me need to push out the deadline for a few mini projects I’m working on, and I  had to turn down a week of covering for another safety rep on another job site due to being half me and feeling like I had half brain function. And let’s not talk about my stomach… it’s still a sensitive topic…

On the plus side of it all, I was able to catch up on a little light reading, dive head first into a new Netflix series and pin-up a few story ideas for future projects. Win, Win right? lol

So even with being sick and feeling like I should be picking out a headstone, I’m still keeping busy and trying to balance health and life.

Part of being a freelance writer is the ability to still support yourself even when you’re unable to work your regular “muggle job” hours and bring in that comforable check.  And so, sick or not sick,  I write.  Maybe only for a few hours or minutes at a time, depending on how I feel.

But it’s better than sitting around doing nothing all day.

I’m a firm believer that hard work is the magic ingredient to everything. It’s not always the quickest way to get what you want, but it’s the most fulfilling. At least, to me it is.

They say, Dress for the job you want, not the one you have”. So, in the writing world, that means “write like you’re already contracted to publish.” and write like you’re every word is reaching millions of people and making an impact.

And that is what I’m trying to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my muggle job, it’s challenging, keeps me busy, and allows me to travel and see parts of the states that I probably wouldn’t have decided to stick around in and explore. There are days, or even weeks, where I’m tired and miss being home in my own bed, my own kitchen and on a regular schedule.

But all in all, it’s an exciting learning experience and I would suggest it to anyone.

Even when I have weeks when I’m living off apples and yogurt, or pinching pennies to fill my gas tank up… Sometimes because I spent to much on books… the whole experience is eye-opening and rather intriguing to a mind like mine. It’s not as extreme as backpacking around the world, but it’s a close second in my book.

So, what are my plan once I’m feeling better?

Well, besides cleaning my house and giving everything a thorough disinfecting, I have full intent on revisiting this dam we found around here and spending a long afternoon (weather permitting) revising a manuscript while I soak up some Vitamin D and fresh air.

After all this, I feel in desperate need of a vacation and my current w.i.p could use a fresh set of eyes.

So how do you deal with being sick?

Any remedies and/ or cure all’s you can share?