I waited for you…

I waited for you.

And I told myself that that was the last time I would waste any more moments of my life waiting on you to show up and show me you give a crap about me.

But here I am again.  Waiting.  It’s been almost an hour and I haven’t heard anything from you.  I’ve been replaying last night. How you subtly brushed into me and slipped these keys into my hand and told me that you needed to see me. “I miss you, please.” You texted after you walked away. In that moment my mind ran from excitement to worry, from confusion to comfort…  And now I’m here again, confused, frustrated… hoping…waiting. I can’t convince myself to leave and stop waiting for you. Why can’t I leave you? Why can’t I leave you hanging on the thought that I didn’t show? God, that would be such karmic justice.

These damn keys. I spin them around on my finger until they fly off and fall to the floor board on the passenger side. Ugh!

I get out, go around the car and scoop up the keys. The sky is pitch black making the stars seem brighter than normal and the moon is so engorged I can feel it’s energy. Between the moon and the smell of sea salt in the air… damn you. I get back in the car and slam the door shut, I crack the windows to let the the salt air in and I sit back and I wait.    Lights flash into the parking lot, my heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat for split second. You’re here?.. It’s not you, the sedan parks and a couple gets out and carry’s their sleeping child into the hotel lobby.

And just like that, I feel broken. Like you have physically sliced into my heart and I just sit here bleeding. I let you do this, I gave you the power to make me feel small and insignificant.

But dammit! I do miss you. I feel so drawn to you, that I can’t sleep unless I pass out thinking of you beside me.

I’m getting anxious and it’s driving me to sickness, I can’t wait here like this. I turn on my headlights and pull out of the parking lot like I just murdered someone in one of the rooms.

Slow down Emma, you don’t need to bring attention to yourself.

What if you’re parking right now? What if you just passed me and your parking right now? NOPE! I’m not going to think about that, I’m going to keep driving. You’ve still not so much as texted me.

I park outside of a closed shop, I’m better off walking for a bit instead of driving like a mad women down the road. The last thing I need in my life right now is a speeding ticket or a night in jail. Besides that, the sound of the waves, the smell the of sea air and this beautiful sky is screaming for me to enjoy it. It’s calling me to get lost.

And that’s what I need right now… to be lost from you.

 

~A.G

 

 

The weekly back and forth…

So here we are again, wrestling the endless game of are we on again or off for good…

Why do we as humans put ourselves in these situations?

And why are we so prone to repeat our own histories?

I can’t focus on my work or pay any attention to this stupid meeting going on right now, because all I can think about is your face. Your damn face and its endless supply of expressions that are so damn hard to read! Why are you so hard to read? I never struggle with people, I can see everything they hide between the lines.

But you.

You are a different story.

I can’t read you. And I hate it.

~A.G

She broke me…

Yes, I want to be with her.

I don’t know what happened or why we were brought together like this, but I can’t let her go. I can’t let this go.

She is like a witch, the devil. Why am I so happy with her?  I can’t hid it, it’s written all over my face whenever she is near me. I worry about her when she is gone, when she looks sad my heart breaks for her and I want to know everything that is troubling her.

It’s so hard for me to explain this feeling I have for her. It’s like she has cast a spell on me and planted herself in my thoughts. She is my shadow, a ghost that follows me wherever I go. Last night my dreams were so vivid I swear she was with me, curled up in my arms and sleeping soundly on my chest. I can still smell her perfume on my pillow… and she hasn’t been here before.

I feel like I am going crazy, or at least, partially crazy.

Fuck! I can’t explain this.  Am I going mad??

 

~AG

 

 

 

The great Kindle mishap

Well, it’s finally working!!

Thanks to my brother getting bored and deciding to tinker with it ☺️

He managed to get it into a full reboot mode and then I just needed to set it back up and download all my books again.

Now I know whenever I’m having issues with an electronic device, just leave it somewhere my brother will see it and wait for him to get bored 😂

So now I can finally sit down and get started on The Dark Web Murders 🕷

Now on for some tea, a re-read over my current 15,000-word project and packing for this weekend 😊

I’m so happy with the things going on in my life right now. Certain aspects are nipping my heels and causing more stress than I care to deal with, but I’m use to the battle. It’s part of life.

Happy reading everyone!

\AG/

The reason why I prefer Real books over digital

This, this picture right here sums up my entire reason for being annoyed and making this blog post 😭

This darn Kindle has been on the fritz since last week!

I can’t get it to do anything except freeze on the start up screen 🤦🏻‍♀️

I hate ebooks. I really do.

I mean, I enjoy them when it comes to packing up and moving around, which I do a lot of. But I can’t and never will get over the enjoyment of browsing a bookstore and walking out with a heavy stack of brand new reads 😊

But this! Oh My God!

I bought my first ebook in months and can’t even begin to take a look at.

I know I could read it on my phone, but damn, aren’t we on the phone enough these days? Besides, I BOUGHT A KINDLE for that very reason! 😫

The frustration is real….

Eternal Youth

Don’t we all feel like living forever young at some point in our life?

Well guess what I’m doing? I’m sitting her in the 1950’s pretending I’ve bleached my hair so much that my brain cells have been damaged to the point that I have no answers for any questions that may come my way.

I’m physically having to sit on my hands and tell people “I’m sorry, I don’t know. You’ll have to ask someone else” simply because I’m being to bossy for those who’s egos are to frail to work as a team.

I am dumbstruck to the point of laughter lol

I’ve already been asked what’s wrong and have a handful of people thinking I’m now mad at them because I keep sending them elsewhere with their questions. 

“You don’t know? You never not know, and even when you really don’t know , you get me the answers faster than anyone else. so what did I do to piss you off into silence” 

Yes, normally I do.    I’m a busy bee, workaholic, I know how to ask questions and feel timeliness is important. If I don’t know the answer to something, I figure out who does or who would know and hit them for the info. Simple as that.

But that is over kill apparently.  And it is proving an extreme struggle to break everyone (including myself) of the habits we have become so use to. 

I can’t even ask someone to make sure they don’t forget something without being looked at like insolent women who’s speaking out of turn. LOL

And that’s my new thing now, I want a coffee mug that says “Insolent Women” just so I can display it on my desk 😉

 I am very opinionated, blunt and to the point in 90% of my life. We all know it’s 2019 and most people these days are to sensitive for straight forward talk, but you’d think there would still be a handful of people who could carry on adult conversation and not feel so threatened by straightforwardness.

So here I am, pretending I don’t care about a thing.  Pretending I am a shy, quiet female with no spine or knowledge of my surroundings. 

We’ll see how long this last.

 

\AG/

Life may be like a box of chocolates but someone threw some mud balls in there too

Saints be praised!

I’ve been up since 2am today! (which is totally normal for me because I’m a weirdo 😂) But, this morning I finally finished going through the stack of files that have been laying on my desk for 2 months! 😳🤩

My desk finally looks organized and back to it’s creative station. Which is ideal for Nanowrimo being right around the corner 👌🏼

Plus! I’ve spent the last week doing some revision on things going on in my daily 9-5 muggle life, turns out my ”bossy” attitude has done some good for my team. The company is happy with them, they don’t feel the need to spy on them or be down their throats on anything.

Who doesn’t like a boss who trusts you enough to just let you work?? 🙃

Now if we could just keep this routine going without the random delays and hiccups from newbs, we might be able to finish this project with some high marks.

Maybe it’s all this fresh fall weather making people more pleasant to be around? Lol I know a few who need to get started now on their ule tide joy if they want good marks come Christmas 😂😂

But let’s not talk about that Holiday when we have more important one’s like Halloween to worry about 😉

What am I doing wrong??

Why does it seem like every writer out there has nothing but time and ample battery life to spend their days out in the world focusing on their craft??

How on earth do you support yourself by spending all day in a coffee shop and posting ascetically pleasing photos on Instagram? 😭

Let me in on this secret!

I mean, I’m a workaholic. I love keeping busy and feeling productive throughout my day.

But darn it. There are so many days I would love to be able to just spend the afternoon working on my manuscripts, without worrying about going over my lunch break or feeling like I was on a deadline.

Not to mention having ample battery life to utilise my laptop all day 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve really got to do some research on a good battery pack for my little silver friend. Any recommendations would be appreciated 🙃

*image found via Google

Its Autumn!!

Seriously my favorite season EVER!!!

I’m so happy 🙃

And the things going on in my life right now, guys I couldn’t be heading in any better direction ✌🏼

My second book is so close to be released that I can already smell that new book smell 💗

My Patreon account has been re-opened thanks to the handful of people who have been showing me some love and have been wanting to know how best they can support me at this time.

Here’s the link if your interested – Spread the love

As for my third book… this story is so vivid in my head right now I’m beginning to feel like it’s already written and ready to be released to you all 😅🙌🏼

My heart is so full right now my words feel like jumbled up garbage 😂

Jen

Actively procrastinating and losing my mind :) + Publication updates

Let’s be real here, people that seem to always find loads of time to write and research their work…… SUCK BALLS!!  lol  

No, no you don’t.  I suck.

I suck because I can’t seem to get my head together and focus on my writing. *insert face palm emoji here* lol

Everyone else that plans and manages their time better than I do, are worth plenty of praise. You guys are all bombshell people and are the standards I should be living up to. ❤

So, to proceed with my ” I’m mad I’m not writing, so I’m going to write a blog about how mad I am” post :’D

I’m currently 5 chapters into my next novella… and stuck on so many stupid little details…

We are 24 chapters into Stonecrest (Whoop Whoop!!) and I have all confidence we should publish the eBook before the year is out 😀 And Hopefully the paperback will follow right behind it ❤

I’m super excited to physically be lining up books for publications, I really didn’t see myself being at this point by this year. Not that I didn’t (Don’t) have high hopes for my life and writing career, I just try to be down to earth and realistic about the workloads I put on myself and didn’t think it would be a realistic goal for this year… but maybe I’m being to lenient on myself and lowering the bar a bit to much?  

Maybe I can manage everything just a little better and readjust my goals and plans?

Maybe I should stop saying “Maybe” and Just do it as the Nike brand says.  Lol

I am aiming towards having my next eBook out this year and shortly after, if the publishers like it, having the paperback follow right along.  And then early/mid 2020 having my next novella published as well ❤

 

And now that I’ve rambled for a few moments, my brain feels empty enough I can now focus on book and work on some research.

And hopefully get to bed at a decent time frame ….